Thoth & Mistress Peony: Challenges

May 10th, 2003

Challenges Transcript

—I call us into Sacred Space.  I ask for the blessings and the guardianship of the Grandmothers and the Grandfathers of the Sacred Directions.  

I ask for the presence of Mother Earth and Father Sky.  

I ask for the presence of the Sacred elements.  

And all the beings who would be interested in informing us in the healing of those present.  In the expanding awareness of those who are present.

I give thanks for the presence of the animal realm who are serving as guardians.  

Of the angelic realm who serve to lighten the space around us.  

Of the star nation who connects us to ancient wisdom and mystery.  

And to the Earth’s plant realm which continually feeds us with their energy and their knowing.

I ask that each person ground very specifically your self to the Earth.  And draw her energy up freely into you.  

So that you have a source of direct energy that is strong and clear and benevolent.  

Let our abundance flow through us.  Filling us.  Staying within us in abundance.  And flowing out to fill the circle.

It is from this place of self-responsibility that we each must stand.  In order to ask and receive in our best way.  

So be it.—

Good Evening.  

—Good evening.—

Now, there is a great deal of grief among you.  And if not personal for yourselves.  Then for others who you know.  

And it’s an intensified time where difficulties are emerging.  

And it is incongruent now because springtime is here, and it is not expected by you.  It is in conflict with what is frequently true for you in the springtime. 

Now, this is a time where you will need to have faith to rely on.  To fall back on.  

Where you will need the love of others to resuscitate you when you feel sorrow.  When you feel defeat.  

And then, you will in turn play that role for someone else. 

But it’s also a time about your choices.  

And, your choices in times where things are easy, are easier to make.  

And, your choices when things are difficult are more challenging.  And yet, they shape the character immensely.  

Now, I can understand that many of you will not care about the character development.  

Some of you will reject this notion, and feel that comfort is more your choice.  Then this will be so.  And this will be so.

And, each path has its rewards.  And each path has its challenges or limitations.  

So, on the one hand, some of you will choose the path of challenges.  And some of you will choose the path of limitation.  

These are harsh words, in a sense, yes?  Do you feel this?  

—Yes.—

And yet, this is true.  So, I share this with you.  

You have choices.  And, each path has its costs.  And the costs of greater consciousness are greater responsibility.  And yet greater rewards.  

And the path of less consciousness involves less intensity in each direction.  Less intensity of sorrow.  Less intensity of seeing the truth, which sometimes is painful.  But less intensity of the joys and fulfillments as well.  

So, you have choices.  

And, self-responsibility is a chief one of these choices.  And the hardest perhaps, one of the hardest ones to receive, self-responsibility.  

It is far easier to blame others.  It is far easier to blame your past.  It is far easier to not choose to clear the voices that are internal to you.  Which only you can clear from yourself. 

This does not mean that when I say, “only you”, that you must do it alone.  You mustn’t do it alone.  

But there are places where only you can do for yourself.  No one can do for you.  The most intimate spaces of making choices. 

Now, I suggest that we bring into the circle a shift of energies.

The heaviness you feel is not here being imposed upon you.  The heaviness you feel is connected to your own energy fields.  As well as the unfortunateness which you are concerned with.  

So, your choice to stay with this heaviness.  Or to seek to receive something different. 

Each of you makes a difference.  Each of you will make choices now.  Whether you sit in resistance.  Or whether you soften to the possibilities.  

So, connect yourselves to the Earth.  And let yourselves be nourished.  

And, now that I have spoken so directly with you, I will leave you with my blessing.  For someone else feels she’s more appropriate to be with you at this time.

—Thank you for your presence.—

You are so welcome.

Very well, Good Evening.  

—Good evening Mistress Peony.—

His words were very true.  Very hard, but very true.  

And there is a need for truth, and for strength, and for defining boundaries and limitations.  

But I also think.  And of course you know he agrees with me.  That your growth requires both things.  

Both the truth.  And an energy which will perhaps help you make your choices.  And beckon you in another manner in making your choices. 

So, I am very relieved to be here with you.  And to see there’s already a shift in the energy field.  

Yes, it came partly with me.  And it came also in your response to me.

The heaviness which he identified and spoke to was there before he came.  And he wanted you to, in a sense, see what in moments you are up against.  

And to stand there with you in the honesty of what it takes to be, at times, making your choices. 

Sometimes the rewards are so clear.  That you can clearly make those choices.  And sometimes they are not.  And you still have to choose. 

We have spoken to you many times of being part of a greater whole.  And, sometimes the energies of that whole become very intensified.  

Even though you extoll to make choices.  It is a paradox.  Because sometimes those choices are very difficult.  And perhaps even too difficult.  

In which case then you must still choose to hold to your faith in life.  Hold to your faith in goodness.  Hold to your faith in the beauty which presents itself around you.  

And, thereby, hold on like a thin thread which will pull you through dark waters.  

And, there is darkness in the world right now.  Very intense, very intense times of shift.  And very intense energies. 

And some of this is what you are feeling. 

So, why don’t you guide me with your individual questions.  And we’ll see if we can address some of your needs more specifically.

—I’d like to ask a question.—

Yes.

—Just recently I had to disconnect from my family again.  There is a feeling that in order for me to be whole.  And to move on my spiritual path.  That that’s the way that it’s gonna to have to be for the rest of my life.

And I was wondering if you could give me some feedback on that?  Whether I, it just feels like an impossible situation to move into that family space again.  And at the same time still be grounded and whole.  And where I want to be spiritually.—

Well, it seems to me that you know the answer to your question.  So, what is the question beneath that question?

—When I feel good, I feel like trying to go back into that.—

Ah, very good, very good.  Much more specific.

Yes, well, you know people who begin to feel strong when they are on medication.  What is a consistent mistake that they make?

—They stop the medication.—

Yes.  It is most kind and sweet of you to, when you are strong.  When you are beginning to be well.  To feel that maybe you can handle them.  To feel maybe you can even help them.  

But I think you know the answer to this.  

And I think you also know that when you begin to feel well.  It is also a challenging point.  Even though it’s what you have striven for, for so many years.  Isn’t this so?

—Yes.—

You have striven so, so valiantly to come to that point.

But then when you are touched with wellness.  You say, “What is this?  This is unknown.  This is new.  What will this require of me?”

And so you are tempted to retreat.  Does this make sense to you?

—Yes.—

And so in the feeling well you must learn to bless yourself.  And to approve yourself.  And to assure yourself that this is correct.  

This is who you are becoming.  And it is who you are.  Striving to live your Soul’s identity in this world.

You understand these things.  You understand so much.  

And yet there are aspects of you that get pulled away.  And are prey to confusion.

And so, any process you do to come into your core self.  And to release the splinters of yourself.  Is what you want to do.

And if you can do that with essences.  You know what I’m referring to?  Various essences that are available which calm the system.  

Which perhaps would lessen your psychic capabilities.  But it is not a loss.  Because sometimes your psychic capabilities are not helpful for you.  They tax you.

And you can assure yourself that you will keep whatever sensors you need.  

Or whatever sensors and capabilities you can use for your self, your well-being.  For the well-being of your children.  For the well-being of your friends and those you help.

That you can keep those sensors, but reduce others that are not serving you.  Because they keep you too splintered.

So, seek your friends for council.  Seek your healers for council.  But it is first, darling one, your choice.

Do you really wish to heal?  You have done so much.  You have been so brave.  Do you wish to be a simple, quiet, beautiful, shining light?

—Yes.—

Right.  Then this is your choices.  And you will have to release some things.  And really learn to be honest with yourself which things integrate you.  Which things fragment you.  

Choose integration.  Choose integration.  So that you can be a valiant, simple, shining light.

—Thank you.—

You’re welcome.  

Very important, your story, your healing process.  Your achievement of being healed.  Very significant my dear.

—Thank you.—

Who else?

—I have a question.—

Yes.

—Mistress Peony, we’re talking a lot tonight about choices.  And I know a big lesson for me in this life is self-discipline.  And choosing all the little things I choose throughout my day to make myself a full, happy person. 

And any advice or things you can tell me on how to work on my self-discipline?—

Well, everyone, most everyone has some struggle with this.  

And it is around hearing your quieter, inner voices as to what is being asked for.  What requires discipline.

If there’s a conflict within you where your inner child cannot stand to be restricted in some way.  Then do the work with the inner child to find out what it needs.  What its fears are.  

And how you can heal that child.  So that it is not afraid of something which your adult self knows is good for you.  Like some form of discipline.  You know for exercise, for food, whatever.  There is a conflict within you.

So it is not as simple as becoming strong.  And taking a stick to yourself.  It is more in the realm of healing.

And so when you find yourself not doing your discipline.  Doing something that is against what your plan is for yourself.  Then sit a moment before you do the thing.  And hold yourself.  And hold your heart.

And see if you can find the child here.  And see if you can say with your whole heart, “My dear, what do you need?  What are you asking for?  I wish to hear you.  I wish to give you what you truly need.”

Alright.  And then listen to that response.  And it may come clearly to you.

And perhaps you’ll do some practices to bring it clearer.  

Perhaps you’ll do some writing practices.  Or listening practices.  Or going to your friends who are healers.  Or your resources which can help you.

But you, yourself on the daily basis.  The more you can listen to yourself, and hear the inner voice.  

Sometimes it will be a teenage girl.  And you’ll say, “I want this.”  Or, “You mustn't have that.”

And say again, “My darling.”  And it’s you.  Give yourself full love.  

Give yourself the love that a Goddess would give you.  Give yourself the love that the Mother Earth would give you.  That I would give you.

You will retrain yourself then.  And then you will be a good mother to your babies as well.  So, spare no love.

And sometimes you will only sit and cry.  And then love yourself as you cry.  Love yourself as you are releasing emotions of sorrow.

And say to yourself, “Well, I will choose today not to do this discipline.  Or to do this discipline when I’ve finished crying.  Or to do this discipline in a different way, a more gentle way.”

And that what comes first is your kindness to yourself.  Kindness to yourself.  And then some of those other things which are struggle will gradually cease to be a struggle.  Yes?

—Yes, thank you.—

You’re welcome.

—Mistress Peony.—

Yes.

—I have been working very hard on my path.  And I’m trying to make a decision whether to stay in my marriage or not.  And I’m having difficulty trying to see where I should go.  I was wondering if you could offer me some advice on that?—

It seems that you have had too much pressure on you for too long.  Yes?

Pressure from without, and pressure from within.  

So, if you leave the marriage you will have to work on the pressure from within.  And yet this may be easier when not in the relationship.

It would be good to see if there is a way that you would not need to close any doors behind you.  But to leave space for your own transformation.  And your own softening.

And one never knows.  Very often when one partner softens.  The other partner suddenly softens as well.

But it seems that you have been in a, oh I think it’s a word, powder keg.  Does it apply?

—Yes.—

Too much pressure.  And so you are working so hard for your own healing.  

And it is appropriate for you to begin to receive healing in gentle ways, in softness.  To have relationships around you which encourage your softening.  

Because you do no want to become brittle, yes?

—No.—

And let’s remove some from your energy field now.  Because there is still quite a bit in your energy field.  

There’s still quite a bit of sharp edges, hardness.  And perhaps you are trying to filter your own, and other people’s as well.  

So as you soften, you are like a magnet, and you attract the hardness of others.  As if you are a filtering system for others.  You can not do this.  This will make you ill.

Is there some living situation where you could be more free?  More soft?  More out of conflict?  Can you create this?

—I have been thinking about that a lot.—

Do you see your way?

—Not yet.—

What is keeping your way from being clear to you?

—Just my whole family.  Probably I have a belief, I have a responsibility to the choices that I have made.—

Alright, well, some of those choices I would support you in, and some of those choices are meant to change.  And if your Soul is dying you must change.  

You cannot fulfill your purpose, your life quest, your Soul’s identity.  While remaining in situations that kill it.

And your first responsibility is your Soul.  And being responsible to your Soul very infrequently makes someone selfish, very infrequently.  So don’t worry about this.

But it is a quiet process of looking into each one’s face, and determining what your responsibility is.  Determining how you can best fulfill that responsibility.

And if you feel like you are in a prison.  Then that is not appropriate.  You may find yourself to be more loving if you give yourself some of the space which you need and require.

And maybe it does not need to be so radical as you are placing it before you as being.  Maybe it is a space of your own of some sort in the house, out of the house.  If it’s out of the house, can it accommodate the children in some capacity?

Leaving the door open for healing on your part, on your husband’s part.  And yet moving towards your commitment to your own healing.

What is the state of your heart within the family as it is now?  Is it open?  Does it close?  What is the state of your heart?

—The state of my heart with my children is very open.  It’s not in question.  And with my husband I try to be open.  But I don’t think that he is capable of understanding me.  Or giving me what I’m looking for.—

Well then you have answered your own question.  All that remains is how you must act.  You must give yourself what you need.  And yet in your intimate relationship you must have support as well.

You must be cherished.  You deserve to be cherished.  You must not harm yourself.

Do not become in the habit of sorrow and pain.  It is habit forming.  Is that part of your mission in life?

—No.—

And this is for everyone’s ears.  You can choose to have a habit of sorrow and pain.  You will have it.  It does take courage to choose otherwise.  But you can have that too.  

It may mean asking for help.  It may mean changing yourself.  

Changing your view of yourself more than changing yourself.  Because your True Self is capable.  Capable, intelligent, sensitive, very willing to be of service.

Look at what is not being delivered to the world as you struggle.  Do not harm yourself.  Make that commitment to yourself.  Can you?

—Yes.—

You will not harm yourself.  If it is harmful for you to stay, then you will not stay.  And if it’s harmful for you not to be loved, then you will not stay. 

Sorrow is palpable tonight.  Is it not?  So, what do we do when it is so palpable?  

Put your hands on your heart and belly. 

First, let us draw from the Sacred elements.  See the ocean.  Or if you prefer a river or a lake.  

Bring that energy into you.  Let it flow deep into your system.  

Let it collect and wash out what obscures your view.  Your ability to see clearly. 

Let it teach you that each moment reality can be different.  Each moment reality can change if you let it flow.  And do not hold it.  

Ongoing flow.  

Sorrow is true.  And the next moment it can be grace. 

Now, see sunlight which is on the water.  See creature of fire.  And bring that most especially into your first chakra.  

Let it expand your own fire there.  This fire which informs you of power.  Let your own power grow. 

This is not a power to be feared.  This is a power which can be a gentle roar.  There to guide you.  To sustain you.  

This is your commitment to your life.  

This one life that you have at present.  To receive all from it that you can receive.  

To burn away that which is not true to your being. 

Now, creature of air.  Breathe in that which you cannot see but which is real.  

Let it help to clarify your system.  To cleanse your blood.  

To change the ratio of heaviness vs lightness within you. 

Now, Earth and Earth creatures.  Let the sun shine upon a forest for you.  

Sit under the trees.  And let the light play with the air.  Play with the Earth manifest in tree form, plant form.  

Bring yourself to the Garden of Eden.  Be the pure child that you are. 

Allow yourself to be changed now, for this moment.  

And then your next opportunity for challenge, perhaps you will think of how to change.  Of what to hold onto?  What to receive?  

How to release the barriers which you have in your system, and believe to be true, but are not. 

In this wood, allow animal creatures to come near you who would like your companionship, your friendship.  

Choose one creature to look into their eyes.  

Receive their essence.  Receive their willingness to know you. 

Sorrow weighs you very heavily.  And yet, you will make more intelligent decisions from this point of lightness.  

This is closer to your true self.  Where you will always make better decisions.  Better words for someone else.  

More honoring of your own heart.  More knowing of your own feelings. 

Try to remove yourself from the drama of your life.  So you can see more clearly.  Then you can carry energy which will be of help to yourself and to others. 

When forces create heavy energy.  To learn to lighten in the face of this heavy energy means you become very valiant.  

You become a gentle warrior.  Capable of self determination.  

Very challenging concepts for your era, where you see very little of this standing before you.  

So, you are brave to even hear these words tonight.  To come at this difficult time, and to elicit these thoughts. 

Each of you is attached to your own drama.  Of course you are.  

Each of you can learn to surrender that drama.  So that you can be more happily yourself.  And more of an example to others. 

My beloved ones, you are making choices in each moment.  

May you remember to call upon the universe.  And may the universe respond to you. 

And I’ll tell you, if you call and it doesn’t respond.  It is your drama keeping you from hearing it.  It is there. 

What is your choice?  

To vanquish sorrow, or to live with its foot on your neck?  

To vanquish fear with love, or to live in fear?  

I know this is asking bravery of you.  But you have asked us for our input.  And this is what we see as true. 

So go tonight, with love in your heart.  Ask yourself when the little questions start to nibble at you, “Is this my drama?”  

Go to your heart, and bring in more love.  Give love to others yes.  Give love to yourself everyday, as many times as you can think of it.  

And may that grow day-by-day until it is constant. 

So, this is my blessing for you.  It is in the energy field that you sit in.  

Nothing is stronger than love.  

Receive our love.  And know you are never alone.  

Call upon the Sacredness in the universe.  It will attend you, myriad forms. 

Be with sweetness tonight.  

When you fail, forgive yourself, and love yourself.  And continue on your quest.  

And so, you will heal yourself.  And help to heal the world. 

Good night.